Relieved

On Wednesday my phone rang. It was a friend of mine who is a fellow foster mom. She was called about a placement. This placement was perfect for us. Two siblings in the right area of town in the right age range. They both met our specifications for what we are looking for. She had just denied the placement, so we quickly called to request this placement. To keep a long story short, we were told “maybe” and left to wait by the phone for confirmation. Michael was excited. I was excited. I shared the good news with my prayer warrior friends and rushed up to nest. After hours of waiting, I realized that the phone was not going to ring. We were not going to get this placement.

 

This is the first time I have been truly disappointed in this process. I went to my bedroom, grabbed my Bible and read and prayed until I felt peace about the situation.
On Monday my phone rang again. This time it was a different foster mom friend. She was moving and wanted to find her placement a good Christian home. You remember that time I did respite care for the newborn? It was for that little baby boy. He was cute but a little bit annoying to us. A million thoughts ran through my mind. He was developmentally a little behind. Does he have a disability? Does he just need some additional effort and he will be on par with his age group? Do I care? He currently appears like he will be transitioning to an adoption plan. Is he our child?
When Michael got home from work I told him all about the opportunity to foster/adopt this little one. We decided to commit this opportunity to prayer.
So, today is Wednesday and I was informed that, even if we want this little one, Child Protective Services will not honor her suggestions. They will place him themselves.
So…where does this leave us?
Relieved.

Not because we do not want this little one, but because it is out of our control and back in God’s. One of the things I have learned in life is that when I try and make something happen, I muddle it all up. I honestly really want to be a mom and because of this, I feel like I could make a stupid decision and accept a child into our home that isn’t the best fit. I have been praying like crazy that God close the door of possibility to any children who shouldn’t be with us and only open our home to children who we are supposed to have. I feel so much more confident in God’s faithfulness to this prayer than I do to my own decisions.

So, that’s where we stand: still waiting, still trusting, and relieved.