I Don’t Go to Baby Showers

Can I say something and not sound like an awful human?

I don’t go to baby showers.  I’ve been invited to 2 already this month and I never know how to respond.  Saying no just sounds cold. I feel like I need some sort of excuse, and I don’t typically have one.  I just don’t want to be there.  I can’t do that to myself.

I have been pretty bold with my journey.  Yet, it always surprises me when they come back to back.  Like it was all planned out to give me a really crappy week.  This reminder that I am broken but everyone else is okay.

The last baby shower I went to was for a family member.  I was brave all day.  I even helped host.  I painted on a smile then went home and cried for hours.   I think that’s the day when I finally said enough is enough.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t invite me.  That’s where life gets complex.  If we are close, go ahead and reach out.  I will decline and then end up doing something for you or your baby because I care about you and I am happy for the gift God has given you.  My infertility is no fault of yours nor do I wish this upon you.

This is just where I am.  Six years into waiting.  Six years and two miscarriages into waiting. I finally came to realization that I have to guard my heart.  So I don’t go.  I unfollow you on social media.  I avoid the subject. There may even be times that I avoid you, but please don’t hold it against me.  It’s just my self-preservation during this wait.

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