Can I say something and not sound like an awful human?
I don’t go to baby showers. I’ve been invited to 2 already this month and I never know how to respond. Saying no just sounds cold. I feel like I need some sort of excuse, and I don’t typically have one. I just don’t want to be there. I can’t do that to myself.
I have been pretty bold with my journey. Yet, it always surprises me when they come back to back. Like it was all planned out to give me a really crappy week. This reminder that I am broken but everyone else is okay.
The last baby shower I went to was for a family member. I was brave all day. I even helped host. I painted on a smile then went home and cried for hours. I think that’s the day when I finally said enough is enough.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t invite me. That’s where life gets complex. If we are close, go ahead and reach out. I will decline and then end up doing something for you or your baby because I care about you and I am happy for the gift God has given you. My infertility is no fault of yours nor do I wish this upon you.
This is just where I am. Six years into waiting. Six years and two miscarriages into waiting. I finally came to realization that I have to guard my heart. So I don’t go. I unfollow you on social media. I avoid the subject. There may even be times that I avoid you, but please don’t hold it against me. It’s just my self-preservation during this wait.